Things to consider in a Long Distance Relationship.
Fanfiction of my life. B)
Hey dear DA followers and readers or any random person who just drop by. Just thought I update something a little about my life.
It's about a really lame love story drama really, and also how 'dream come true' are never really true when you get a taste of it. Like a real taste of it.
I know that it doesn't concern you or anything but I though it'll be nice to share it, and that DA is a good place to do so cuz it has journal LOL
BUT only if you like to read reaaally long essays with bad grammar and bad drama. XD No hater please, will delete rude comments as well.
This is just some experience and advise. I'm not shitting about anyone so don't take offense.
Viola, you have me to gossip about to your friends now. Cheers!
And so in summary, me and my partner broke up. We've known each other for a year and so, got together for about 6 months and god know why, we can't even make it into our anniversary and every hopes and dream just crumbles in split seconds. That's rather suck.
Anyway, it was cool, it was sad at first but I guess I just have to coop up with it. Cooping really well too (Edit: Nope, not cooping well at all for some reason, it comes and go, rather torture) but sometimes I still ask myself, 'What did I do?' I was very happy with my partner, it's like you have never been so happy in your life before because you had found the special someone. Though I do get sad at times when I realized my partner pays more attention to (my partner) friends more instead of me and it happens frequently, but I always had to tell myself that 'they're (my partner) busy', let them be, they're close friends after all and I'm just nothing, some stranger that happened to be in the way of my partner life.
Fyi about me and my partner, we got together from the web and we were having ldr. We're living across the world away from each other and we haven't got a chance to meet each other in person. We're only able to meet each other in Skype and etc sites. My partner wanted a relationship and I said okay. I had crush on my partner way before this happens, but I never confessed because I know shits happens and so I keep stuff to myself. So, I guess its normal to accept the request when the person you like so much actually confessed to you. We then promised to each other as well that we would be honest with each other and support each other. (Which we did till my partner gave up half way through our relationship.)
When it comes to love, they always says that age and places and certain things doesn't matter, which I agree a whole lot. I mean, who would give a crap about things like 'ldr doesn't work etc etc bullshit' when you had a crush on someone who had a crush on you as well. And if both partner decides to try their best, it will work well in the end. Just like a perfect Disney love story. ( Ah, keep dreaming lad. Apparently I over dream our future. )
Everything was perfect, my partner wanted everything to work out, and I too wanted it as well so I tried my best to make everything work. I am an adult, I'm responsible to take care of my partner, keeping my partner happy etc etc. I saved up some money like real because we promised to visit each other next year. We were both excited about it. It wasn't easy doing the job and getting that amount of money for airplane tickets, which I already did. Make my passport and ready to go in a year, just waiting to get em plane tickets.
I was rather a busy person myself, but I always manage to make time for my partner, putting em first, making plans so that we could spend our time together. After some time, I realized I was the only who comes up with plans and every time when the day come for the plans to happaned, my partner manage to never make time for us or just plainly forget our plans. (my partner ) would go out with friends instead, end up breaking our plans and promises. (There's a detail story about this but I rather not write as it'll get too long)
If it was a first time thing, I would understand, I'll just assume that they are busy and all. As it repeats like forever, I begin to doubt if my partner is putting any effort in our relationship at all or maybe I'm just not trying hard enough. So I kept trying, though not being too possessive or clingy. I know my limits.
I myself too never really seek advise from anyone about our relationship or even talk to anyone about it. Since if there's any restrain in the relationship, I would just openly talk to it with my partner so that we could clear our misunderstanding.
Important note: If your partner loves you, they will be honest with you with everything, includes that you too be honest to them about everything. If they love you, they will accept you no matter what happens.
But apparently, it came to a point where I was really at lost. Because I felt that maybe my partner was tired of me something. Truth to be told, it's rather obvious that (my partner) prefer to spend their time with their friends more in stead of me like most of the time... (sometimes I don't even see my partner anymore) and there I though it was a rather normal thing in a relationship. I was already doubting our relationship, but I never stop trying because I made a promise. //this freaking loyal dog//slap/
So I started sharing about my relationship with a few friends (like a few people only LOL, but now I'm sharing it with everyone
, I was so upset at times and I didn't know what to do so I didn't have any choice. I was scared, like maybe something happened to my partner that I didn't know or if I upset them. Like literally anxious and scared with horrible insomnia.
Important note: Insomnia is real when you actually have it. You can't sleep and even if you do, you end up waking up in the middle of the night and not able to fall asleep for another few hours, your head will not stop being active which would makes you over think about everything, panics and at times you will sweat. (Yes, I have it, usually mild ones when I'm anxious. But if its depression related, you will get bad ones and end up not being able to sleep. When it happens, you have to find a way and keep calm. For me, I just forced myself to sleep through the night, not pleasant but worth while when you actually get some sleep. Better than none.)
And it turns out, from the respond of my friends, I had done nothing wrong, like nothing what so ever, just like a normal person that acts like what a normal couple would do. One of my friend was unhappy with our relationship and kindly told me that I should reconsider it, the other one was pissed off like shit and told me to break up with my partner without any remorse. She told me that I should tell my partner 'let's take a break' at least to clear things up, but I stop her and said, ' Yo dude, guess what, my partner was the one that old me 'let's take a break' just last week' and yep. She got pissed off and told us to break it cause 'it ain't gonna work' and that 'It's tortured for me to be like that'. They said I was too nice, I tried too much, putting too much effort but I'm not gaining anything back in return.
As for me, I listen to advises, but I never thought about them cause why should I? I was happy with my partner. If my partner is happy, I am. Like serious, I still like and love my partner just like normal person would even though we didn't see each other for a while due to my partner being busy with school. ( Though I realized its more than that)
And so, I finally decide to take their advise seriously and get the balls to talk things with my partner. I myself already notice that my partner has been ignoring me lately, even though (partner) mention that they're busy with stuff. (Which is half true)
So yeap, we talk and we ended things. Long story short, my partner is tired of our relationship, tired of me. That our relationship has became dull and not passionate anymore and that we won't be able to have a future together. That we would hurt each other if any of these continue. ( Well be damn, I was really hurt for the past year and I deal with your way of how romance should be together cause I always thought that its how it work and that we would work out in the end like a happy couple. I tried, so hard. But I'm not too sure if my partner is ever sad about any of these, I can never know.)
But yeah, after my calm respond and my question of if I had hurt my partner, my partner said that I didn't hurt em, which I'm glad for, and that I've tried a lot for both of us (Which I finally admits it and agree that I did) but my partner doesn't feel the love anymore and can't get along with it. (And here I am, questioning myself, thats not how love work.... not that I know off )
So yeah, in the end I was the only one with happy hopes and dream that me and my partner is a perfect match (because we were so into each other before). My partner on the other hand, had got tired and bored of our relationship in just a little amount of time.
And so I decided its time to end it and that my partner should do the honor of breaking it because I was never in though of breaking up before, and that my partner should be the one to break it up because they started it, and they should be the one to end it.
We broke it off calmly, no fights, no shout, nothing. Just us typing with understanding for each other. There's no point to rage over break up because you're just gonna make it worst. Why would anyone wants to do that. Yes you have done a lot, but really, if that person is not worth your time, don't waste your breath.
So now that I think about it, I just felt silly getting into a relationship with someone who's actually not being able to be serious with a long term relationship. I was really serious myself and I was looking forward to meeting my partner in person in the future, to know them more. But I guess, my partner didn't try hard enough for us to happened and did not gave our relationship any chance. We didn't even last a year, pitiful.
I don't know if my partner is just still young or just doesn't yet understand how a relationship in adult world works, or if it's just me not trying my hardest. ( I feel like I'm gonna get slap for blamming myself that I'm at fault in the relationship so many times OAO;;
But I guess I already know the answer as it was always right in front of my face with my friends yelling at me that, my partner is a minor, they won't understand how relationship really works even after if you tell them countless time about stuff etc (insert your reason here). Still, I will never think that its my partner fault just because they're a minor. One day they will grow up to be an adult as well and sooner or later understand how real relationship works. It really does takes effort and hardwork to get into a good relationship, on both side.
Good relationship doesn't bear fruit in a day, a week or a year. Couple may get into fights and misunderstanding, getting tired of each other. But if they try their best and clears up misunderstanding, working with each other, everything will works out in the end. Try and keep trying, one day, you will reap what you sow. Though In the end, I wasn't given the chance to reap what I sow for our relationship. As for money that I was saving for my partner, yes, I reap what I sow, I got the money, and I'm not sure what to do with it. ( I was told to invest it with a desktop, maybe I should. And keep some so that I can visit Harry potter universal studio and wizarding world next time
It's like your feelings are being toyed with and all. Love you one moment, tired of you after knowing everything about you and that you're nothing and that there's nothing more to talk about. I know my partner didn't meant any harm in anyway, but the fact is just sitting there, slapping into my face every time when I think about it. My partner promise me a good life and future together, I was looking forward to it, I was happy, I promised my partner as well (and my promise stay till now) but in the end my partner was the same one who break all the promises and ends my hope and dream.
I'm not going to lie, I still have deep feelings for my partner even if they don't feel the same way about me anymore. I missed my partner like damn lot even now and every other day. Call me an idiot, slap me for all I care. I know some of you wanna do it because you have already told me countless time and advise me not to do it and that it would turn out badly, but stubborn old me didn't listen just because I though I can do it. That me and my partner can do it. Oh guess what? You're right and it's my fault. Here, go ahead and slap me friends. /points at own cheek/
Sounds nice doesn't it? Wait till its your turn to taste the lemon juice + salt on your wound my dear fellow singles who are planning to get into a relationship with the mind set of 'happily ever after' just because it's so happened to appear right in front of you. Keep note that anything could happened, and that you shouldn't put your hopes and effort too high if your partner is not returning the same favor. You can never be happy in the end even if you stubbornly tell yourself that you are happy with your partner just because they are too. I was happy because I didn't mind, I deal with it, I cried every night, and I wake up as if my brain was washed with memories kept hidden away and that I'm back happy again with my partner. My partner is all I've cared for.
I'm not saying that you should not get into a relationship, you can (especially written to those optimistic people out there who likes accepting challenge and thinks that everything will work out great in the end), when it comes to relationship for long distance (for those who are living really far away, not state, but across the world), know that person first, be friends, Like I mean not a week or a month, but a year long friends, be close friends. Be penpals, send letters and gift. Don't get into a relationship straight away just because you have a silly crush with the person in a few days and weeks of spending time together.
And if you guys are only able to meet online, take the time to skype with each other instead of writing. I'm serious, writing never bring any good because in the end, you're not knowing your partner personally. I know writing has its good, it gives you time to think about stuff and write, but at the same time, you're shyness is build up and you will be awkward when it comes to skype call and ends up doing it less just becauce ETC (insert your reasons). You are a human, you are born to talk so Fuck being shy, if you like your partner from across the world, doesn't matter if its gender or races and that both of you are serious about each other,video calling every day won't be a problem for any of you. Get used to talking with your partner, not writing. You can write if its a freaking letter. Talk if you have the chance.
I admit that I've made a mistake in my life, but it doesn't mean that I'll never learn from my mistake. I will learn and now I am much more serious when it comes to things like relationship. Not serious? Don't get into one. Can't keep a long run? Don't get into one as well. Can't deal with stress and break ups? Stay single. For the lucky ones who never get any break up before from their first dating ( like my lucky mom and dad ) God bless them.
And some tips, being single is not all that bad. I assure you, I was once single before I got into a relationship and I was having a rather happy and normal life without any goal or future. Just hang out with your friends, spend time with them. Don't get into a relationship just because you think it's cool or to show off that you have a partner who's gonna love you for your whole life. (Not me, my relationship is kept private) I admit loving someone and being love is nice (emotionally), but it will never ever be pleasant when the person you love doesn't love you back. Being with friends is fun as well, you can do much more stupid things together, gossip, shitting around and shout at each other with foul words like it doesn't matter. Thats what friends are for, treasure them.
You're partner is only one person, if he can't make you happy, you still have your family and friends. No family or friends? Oh worry not, grab some money and go to the cafe. Go to the counter and order something, You'll be happy at how nice sometimes some strangers are when they greet you with a smile, saying good morning maam/sir and ask you what you would like to have for the day and saying thank you to you or sorry if they bumb into you. Even if its just a few simple words, it still feel nice listening to them even if its for awhile. Rather than having to know that your partner is not even bothered to left you any good morning message at all.
That concludes the fanfiction of my life. Want to know more or need any advise for your relationship, do leave a comment and I'll try my best to answer your question. I'm just a regular artist/illustrator but I do am quite experience with relationship as well because I used to be third wheel of all my friends who are in a relationship, I listen and give advises. It helped them quite a bit before, amazingly, and made them a better person so I hope I can do the same for you as well. Now I'm much more experience myself since I got into one too. ( Not that I'm a pro, cause I'll be damn sorry if I can't help you Q~Q )
I hope I didn't bore you guys with my pathetic life story. But I'm proud to share it out to anyone, anyone who were thinking of getting into LDR or whoever used to be in the same boat as me or came just to read for the fun of it or for gossiping. Doesn't matter who you are or what you take this information for. Know that life doesn't just end there, you still have 50 years of your life to spend. Don't waste it.